Thursday, April 16, 2009

The end

I am always torn with emotions at this point in my pregnancy. I am so uncomfortable, I can't sleep, bend over, roll over, and my legs are KILLING me. In so many ways I hate being pregnant. I hate the way I feel, I hate the way I look, I hate my vericose veins. Still, there is something I so love about being pregnant. I love feeling the baby move, I love that even when I am doing nothing at all I am doing something amazing and truly miraculous. There is just something special about being pregnant, I know that sounds corny, but it's true. Brett is convinced this is our last, but he has said that before, so we will see. If this is our last I can't believe I will never do this again, I can't believe I will never have a baby inside me again, never give birth again, never have a new baby again. It's like closing a very imporant chapter of my life.

I may have a love/hate relationship with being pregnant, but one thing is for sure, I only have a LOVE for giving birth. Some may laugh at me or call me crazy, but my favorite day of my whole life is the day I give birth. It is the most fullfilling, amazing, miraculous day ever, and I absolutely love it with all my heart. As long as I have that good epideral, all is well. It's so amazing to me that you go to the hospital one day and come home with a new person, a new member of your family who will be a part of you forever. It's amazing.

So I have mixed feelings right now. I am so excited to meet this new little person, to see what she looks like, to hold her. At the same time I am a little sad that she's not just mine anymore, I am not the only one who gets to feel her and be a part of her. It may sound strange, but it's always how I feel right before I have a baby.

I am a little nervous to have four kids. Everyone says once you have three adding more isn't too much harder. I think it just depends on what kind of baby she is. I thought Carter was a hard kid until I had Sam, so you just never know.

I am excited and sad, but I can't wait to hold and see her!

12 comments:

diane said...

I'm so excited for you. Please add us to the email list. I can't wait for details. I lnow Jordan will be happy too. He loves Wimmers and babies so it is a win win! Good luck my friend. It will be a happy day.

Brenna LaPray said...

I know exactly how you feel. A new little life is always a miracle. I of course never had the chance to experience #4 without #5 tagging along. Life is busy but wonderful. I'm sure you will do just fine with four kiddos. Good luck. I can't wait to see pictures. Take care.

Laura said...

Melissa, you brought me to tears! I'm so excited for you too! You are such an awesome Mom, you inspire me to be better(truly). Good luck tomorrow, I'll be thinking of and praying for you both!

Stephanie said...

Best of luck to you tomorrow! Amen to all of your sentiments; you know I agree wholeheartedly that giving birth is the best thing in the whole world. Corny or not, it is one of the few times we are a part of something truly miraculous. I can't wait to see and hold your new little angel!

tawnya said...

I'm so excited to see pics! Man. It doesn't seem that long ago you were this pregnant with Sam. But, then, I didn't have Sammy when you were pregnant with Sam, so...I forget how long ago that was!

I sometimes forget I'm done. It's such a weird feeling.

Jana said...

I totally get your feelings. I have the same kind of love/hate relationship with pregnancy. Good luck with your delivery. Those days truly are some of the best of your life!! Can't wait to see pictures!!

Heather said...

Melissa - Those are the sweetest thoughts! You are going to be a fantastic mommy of four and you will love love love having a little girl! It's just so different! I couldn't agree with you more about the day you give birth! That is always my favorite time - it's the aftermath that I have a hard time dealing with!:0)
Can't wait to see that baby!!!

Ashley said...

That was sweet and I totally agree. I would love to be pregnant and HAVE ten babies...I just don't want to raise anywhere near that many kids. But being pregnant and giving birth is, as you say, truly miraculous. I am so excited for you to finally get your little girl; and I imagine on the heels of Mr. Sam, she will be a perfect little breeze. Good luck.

Laurie said...

You have a BABY now!!! I'm going to bite her toes.
Love you!
btw, that post made me cry and cry.

Jen said...

So sweet!! I saw pics of Natalie and though it is sad that this chapter of your life might be over, I am happy that you get to share her with us now! She is beautiful...and it looks like she has dark hair? Congrats...I can't wait to see her in person :)

Jen said...

So sweet!! I saw pics of Natalie and though it is sad that this chapter of your life might be over, I am happy that you get to share her with us now! She is beautiful...and it looks like she has dark hair? Congrats...I can't wait to see her in person :)

Alicia said...

Congrats on your new baby, Melissa. I saw on Diane's blog that she was born and it's actually a girl! :) I'm excited for you guys and I can't wait to hear more details! I hope you're doing well and sleeping at least a little! :)