I'm going to miss this.....

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How can I leave this? How can I leave any of it? My friend said it was sad that I was taking so many pictures at the beach today, she knew it was because I know this may be one of our last beach days. School starts on Wednesday and this summer is the last for me in San Diego. Going to the beach with these good friends of mine and their kids has become such a regular occurrence that we rarely think to take pictures anymore. Today, however, I was a little camera happy. I need to record these precious memories (you should have been there Sunshine, I of course didn't have my camera on Tuesday. We'll have to go back). I love the beach, I really love the beach. It's such a perfect place where all my kids are happy, I get to enjoy the beauty of the beach, watch my kids have fun, and talk with my friends. What could be better?

I think I am still in denial over moving. At first I cried a lot, I thought of all the things I would miss, the people I would miss, now I am just in denial. I thought my house would sell quickly, which it didn't. We are going to start school here, we put the boys in soccer, we are going on with life as normal, but things aren't normal. We are moving. I know we are making the right decision to move back to Utah, but that doesn't make it any easier. I will miss the weather, oh how I will miss the weather. I am used to taking my kids to the park in July or December, it doesn't make a difference, we are used to taking family walks after dinner year round. I will miss Disneyland, the beach, my school, my house, my neighborhood, living a short drive away from the Paulsons, the list goes on and on.

When we moved here we didn't have any kids. I have become a mom here. All my life I couldn't wait to grow up and be a mom. I know it sounds corny, but it's true. You know that song "When I grow up I want to be a mother, and have a family....." that was always my favorite. I began that part of my life here, and I have loved it so very much. Now I have to leave. I know most of what I will miss are the wonderful friends who have truly become my family. We have watched each others kids grow up. When we all met we had one or two little kids. These kids are now getting braces, starting middle school, and growing taller than their mothers (almost). I have seen babies born who are now getting baptized. I have watched families with one child turn into families with three, four and five kids. We spend our summers together, spend holidays together, Sunday dinners. We go camping, we swap kids. We know each others history. They know me. They know all my faults and quirks, and they still love me. When we've had enough kid time we go to book club, Women's conference, or go out to lunch or dinner. We throw a party. We support each other in every possible way. I can't imagine living without these people in my life. I don't know how I'll do it. I know I should be happy. We are moving back home, back to our families. We love Utah. I know I will love living in Utah. For now though, I am just sad.